The Importance Of Trust

As Mental Health Awareness Week is upon us, it is probably one of the most crucial times to remind people that it is OK to talk.

Trust is an important part of any relationship of any kind, but particularly when there is ill mental health involved, it becomes even more prevalent. To trust someone with thoughts of suicide or self harm, self loathing and self doubt, is difficult and something that many of us struggle with. The simple fact of the matter is that unless you trust someone and talk about how you feel, your mood is not necessarily going to improve quicker. Talking gives you a release, it prevents the thoughts that surround and perpetuate certain aspects of your feelings, from manifesting themselves deep inside of you. It also helps to simply have someone else know how you feel, even if there is little they can do to help, it is better than no-one knowing. Sometimes it can be difficult to trust people because we fear their reaction, but if you don’t open up to anyone, you will never know what that reaction could be. There is no doubt that at times it isn’t as positive as we expect, but similarly a lot of the time people are willing to listen and to comfort you, if not try to help you. It is my belief that there is always someone out there who is willing to try to help you and support you but unless you open up to people then it is impossible for them to help.

When you’re feeling full of irrationality it can be even more difficult to trust people. It can be difficult to take a negative reaction and a knock back, but it is possible to recover from that and go again with trusting someone with how you feel. Giving up on talking about your feelings is a sure fire way to lessening the chances of improving your mood. 

Of course it is not as simple as just saying “I am suicidal” or “I want to hurt myself” because it’s not something people really WANT to hear. Regardless of whether people want to hear it though, it doesn’t mean that they’re not willing to hear it. For instance, my friend has been struggling of late and of course I don’t want to hear that she has been struggling because it upsets me, but at the same time I know I can help her and that talking about how she feels to me helps, so I am happy to listen to her. 

The critical thing is to try not to be afraid of what people may think or say. If you are good friends with someone, then you will have a gut instinct as to what their reaction may be, there are signs and there are hints from the things people say and how they react to certain things, as to how they will react to how you feel. If you need support then you have got to ask for it, because ultimately it is you who is most important and there are people, professional and non professional who are able to give you some sort of support. 

When you speak about how you feel, it is best to be specific but aware of what you are saying. To be clear and concise but not too blunt or to say something in a manner that will shock whomever you are speaking to.

Trusting people with how you feel is often rewarded with strong friendship and kindness. Support and happiness. Whilst you may not be happy, talking to people can go a long way towards helping you understand, control and manage how you feel. 

Remember that it is ok to talk, and anyone who tries to claim otherwise needs to look at how we treat physical health and how openly we discuss physical illness, and then come back and say it’s not ok to talk about physical illness as well as mental illness. If they do, then they’re not really worth your time or energy.

This then ties in with the theme of Mental Health Awareness Week 2013; Physical Activity. 

Physical activity is a brilliant way to boost your mood. Whether you feel like going for a run, or just walking down to the shops, it really does make a difference. Fresh air and adrenaline together act as a brilliant catalyst to improve your mood and bring positivity into your mind.

Trust in yourself, trust in your friends. It’s OK to talk.

The Internet And Mental Health

The internet. It’s a great invention, & most people use it at least once a day, but is it good or bad for our mental health? How does it impact upon mental health?

There’s a thousand and one ways to answer those questions & of course the answer is at least partially subjective & dependent on a number of factors, but ultimately I think it has got to be one of the best things out there to support people with mental health issues.

Social media is huge in finding support & realising that you are not alone with how you feel. There are an astounding number of twitter accounts which are set up with the aim of supporting people or raising awareness of mental health issues. There’s also plenty of accounts where people vent about their feelings, or talk about their feelings & how they are being impacted on a day to day basis. This can be both a positive & a negative thing.

Certain accounts can be triggering for people, with them talking in great detail about self harm or suicidal feelings. This is something that is crucial to monitor. Firstly, it’s important that these people get professional support, but secondly it’s important that if something is triggering you that you step away from it. They can cause distress & harm, therefore having a negative impact on your mental health, especially of they are something that is seen every single day. The thing is, though, it is crucial to remember that these people have their own issues, rather than criticising them, try to encourage them to seek support from a professional & talk to them about how they can go about doing so, or if they already are, then what it is that they are withholding &/or why.

The support accounts can be helpful, but they should in no way take the place of professional help, & hopefully most will state this in some form or another because it can be dangerous to take advice from someone with no professional knowledge. Make sure that you trust the person & know where they are getting the information they are giving out, from. From a personal point of view, everything I write is based on my own experiences & is geared towards encouraging people to speak about their feelings, & to give people hope, rather than attempting to provide advice. Occasionally I may offer words of advice, & in private I do, but publicly I will always post what is on my mind from personal experience, which generally tends to be what helped me through. Largely, support accounts provide a platform & a tool to be utilised & provide information which can be used to build on what is gained through professional intervention.

The internet more widely, as a whole, is slightly different. There’s far too much stigma out there still, I see it everyday on some of the forums I use that have nothing to do with mental health. However, there’s also plenty of places out there which allow for support, plenty of information & assist in gaining knowledge about the symptoms of mental health issues, ways to combat them & simply people to talk to. It allows people to make more friends, sometimes those with similar issues to themselves & in some ways can create a peer support system. Again, I stress that professional support should not be replaced with this, but that it is still useful.

Overall the internet can have a positive impact on mental health, it can create friendships, increase social opportunities & provide information as well as support. However, it is how these tools are seen & developed that is the most critical aspect in determining how useful the internet is for mental health. Largely it is down to how we use the internet. Use it too much & it can have a detrimental impact on our social lives, thus not helping our mental health. Indeed, it can be far too easy to get to a stage where we are simply focussed on our on-line lives, rather than striking a healthy balance between the two. I refuse to use the term “in real life” because the internet is real life, it’s just an extension of our lives which happens to be slightly different. It’s terms like this which perpetuate the stigma around forming relationships on-line & ultimately can contribute to mental health issues. People can feel trapped between two worlds, the outside world in person, & the on-line world. For some people the internet is their only recluse, to escape from the mundane reality of everyday life, the pain & suffering they experience in their day to day life. Some people find it easier to form relationships on-line, which in turn can also help them to form relationships in person. It can be frustrating to see people say that accounts such as those which trigger people & talk vividly about mental health issues in a somewhat perturbing way, should be closed down. Yes, they need professional support, but you’d be taking away a vital network & resource for them to vent & to talk. It’s absolutely critical that they are allowed to express how they feel, but likewise they need to be challenged, or at least they need to have it told as it is. Abrupt, but polite & sensitively done.

The internet has played an absolutely massive part in my life & assisted immensely in bringing me out of depression & into a more stable, happier place. Most of my closest friends are those who are going through similar to me or similar to what I have been through. They are the people I’ve known through on-line conversations when I’ve sought to find people that help me see I was not alone. They are the people who have come through a lot of difficult situations, low moods & struggles. Most are not “recovered” & they are neither in a place you might want to label depressed or any other label you wish to use. They’ve come through the darkest days & they’ve got somewhere, but they’ve fallen back into confusion & difficulty as a result of x, y & z. However, they are stronger for their experiences & more prepared to deal with what comes at them, finding ways to deal with their issues. These people are friends I have made through on-line conversations. I’d rather have friends who I had things in common with & cared about, than worry about the manner in which I have made those friendships. After all, they are friendships, it just so happens that I don’t get to see them face to face all that often.

Stigma will possibly always exist in some form, as language evolves & meanings become skewed, words become ambiguous. Some people will see things in a different way to others & for whatever reason may find it enjoyable to mock those with mental health issues, or at least to attempt to increase the myths & misunderstanding surrounding mental health issues & mental illness. The internet provides a platform for them to do this, but equally it provides a platform for people to strike back & dispel some of those myths & misunderstandings. A collective effort to find ways to talk more about mental health is required, as it will encompass all of the things mentioned in this post & hopefully save a few lives, improve a few lives, transform a few lives, because your voice, your pen, your keyboard, they’re some of the most powerful tools you will ever have or find. Whilst your actions may speak louder than your words, it is your words which can also put warmth into the coldest of places, to put light back into the lives of people, create a spark & propel people towards achieving what they are capable of, propel people towards greatness.

Be careful with what you put on the internet, be careful who you trust, but don’t be afraid to use it to find like-minded people, those who can relate to your experiences. Feel free to support people, but remember that you cannot help anyone unless you are in a good enough place yourself. By looking after yourself, you look after others who you may support. People who care about you. Next time you go to write something about your state of mind on a forum, a blog, on Facebook or Twitter, take a moment to consider what potential impact it may have on someone. If it’s likely to upset someone, then perhaps write it down privately. Try to seek out that support in a direct, constructive way. It can be difficult when you are led by your feelings & not your head, but it’s not impossible, & it’s a technique which will serve you well in the future. The best way to find support, is to ask for it. Attention seeking? Yeah. Yeah it is. Attention being that fundamental human need that we all have. Quite why there is so much negative association with that phrase I fail to accurately comprehend, but to seek attention is not a problem. It’s how you go about it that matters. Everyone needs attention, & if you’re lacking it, or needing some more to help you through, then please ask for it, because there’s always going to be someone out there who is willing to support you. Hinting at things, posting cryptic things, as a general rule is not going to help anyone. Sometimes you might need to get something out that only you understand & hope that maybe another person might realise what you’re talking about, & that’s ok, but try to limit the times you do that & actively seek support in a direct manner.

The internet has allowed for much greater social interaction, more information & support in terms of mental health, but really, the main benefit of the internet when it comes to mental health is to integrate all of these things & allow them to interconnect. If you write a blog about how you feel, & you share it via social networking or a forum, you gain the opportunity to discuss mental health & mental health issues. By talking about it, you help to understand it better, new ideas form & more detailed, developed discussions occur. More complex & engaging conversations happen, you get to understand the way people think & how to interact best with people. By sharing it with social networks you allow a greater number of people access & you can form relationships through these means. You also will be able to find more information about how to find support in your area, & then you can begin to find better ways to help yourself through the feelings that you may deem insurmountable, but are in actual fact, usually temporary. There are websites out there which allow you to relax & take your mind off of things, websites which allow you to engage with the world & what is happening in it, websites which allow you to discuss common interests & meet people who share your interests. Websites which help you to find information about things. The internet is an extension of our every day life & it’s one of the most important tools when it comes to mental health. The relationships which can be formed assist in recovery, or in teaching about mental health issues. They give another view on things. Ultimately, the internet provides a foundation upon which you can choose to access & build upon. It allows for a journey of greater self discovery, but it needs to be noted that a lot of things which it provides are merely more detailed versions of what you can find in your day to day life in person. Use the internet in an appropriate manner alongside maintaining healthy relationships outside of it & it can be an instrumental part of recovering from mental health issues.

It’s ok to talk.

A Day In The Life

The Beatles. They have little, if anything to do with the content of this blog post, but I think the title of their song “A Day In The Life” sums things up quite nicely I feel.

Tomorrow (10th November) is the day I believe to be 2 years since I last picked up a blade & cut myself. Sounds so crass doesn’t it? But it’s ok to talk, although I always tend to be careful not to trigger anyone.

A whole two years. That’s just over 10% of my life so far. I’ve fought many battles, many urges and many times have I felt like giving up but come through all of those to, in effect, be victorious. I took arms against a sea of troubles. Just as so many others are doing & have done. I never gave up & I found a way through a very tough period in my life which, touch wood, is behind me now. 

A day in life because it is another day in my life. It represents that I am still here, living & breathing despite not really wanting to in the past. It represents another day in my life on the way to getting where I want to be, achieving what I want to achieve & finding some sort of balance in my life. 

The one thing that saved me from myself was talking to people about how I felt. I’ve had so many positive reactions, so many people who have willed me to get better & to succeed in my life. I don’t always realise it either. There’s certainly some people who stand out as having made life that bit more bearable. Sometimes a bit of TLC & love is needed, tough love, soft love, but most importantly, unconditional love. It’s incredible to look at things, to see where I was, & where I am. I try my best to support quite a few people, some of whom I’m very close to. Thankfully, most of my close friends have come through their battles like I have & found some peace with themselves. Not all of them have, but those who haven’t are on the journey which I have no doubt will lead them to feel better in themselves. I’ll always do my very best to help people if I have that ability. Even more so with those who I love & care about, naturally.

Life is not something that you should give up on easily in my opinion. I’m not here to tell you what is right & what is wrong, that’s for you to decide, but there’s a lot of good things about life. Even when we can’t see them, or we cannot list them. Some of these things are intangible. There’s many things that cause us pain & suffering, but personally, I feel that the good things outweigh these. At least, eventually they do. 

There’s always hope. Hope & happiness, rationality. But HOPE. If you’ve got hope, then hold onto it because it means you’ve got something to build upon when it feels like everything is going against you. If you can, then find someone who is willing to give you everything they possibly can to see you through the tough times, the pain & the suffering. The person who will treat you the same whether you’re low or feeling good. A friend. A true, proper friend. 

I’m so grateful to everyone who has helped me get to this point. Thank you. 

It’s Ok To Talk

A reminder.

It’s ok to talk… about how you feel, about what you’re afraid of, but also about your hopes & the things you are feeling positive about. Talking about our feelings can frequently seem to end up in a way that we interpret as “moaning” but our friend(s) who listen reassure us is merely explaining how we feel. Remember that it is how you react to your feelings & what you do about it that matters. At least, that is what I believe. 

The reason I write this tonight is because of my anxiety & general stress. Even on a day recently where you would have expected anxiety to be at a minimum it was controlling me & affecting me, which showed me just how much I have had on my mind of late. I don’t always talk about it because I am aware of how it can make other people feel, & because I just find it difficult to do so sometimes for fear of the reaction, especially based on how I have worded what I want to say. The positive aspect though, is that this afternoon & this evening I have been far more positive about things than I have since this anxiety began to take control of me again. Something someone said to me made me want to write this blog post though, because it really made my day & it reminded me that I have a job to do. That job is to remind you all that it is ok to talk, just as my friend has kept reminding me of late. It’s so important that we address our feelings from time to time, because they can transgress beyond a point where we have the capability to cope well, which in turn makes things escalate further. The vicious circle is difficult to remove yourself from, but with determination & a will to talk, it is possible. 

Talking can take many forms, it doesn’t have to be a totally candid discussion with a friend at all. You can express your feelings &/or thoughts in many forms, & you can share as little or as much as you feel comfortable with. What is critical though, is that you don’t feel pressured into doing talking. It may seem as though I’m encouraging you to talk out, & I kind of am, but equally it is about doing what is right, & being comfortable. It’s about letting you know that if there is a point that you need or want to talk, then it’s ok to do that. 

When you work together with someone, you can achieve so much. Sharing things can assist you greatly in overcoming the things that you most fear, that hold you back from being who you want to be. 

Gradually things begin to slot back into place. Sure, there’s going to be days where it is tough, where you feel so drained from all that goes on in your mind, but when you can see the pieces of the puzzle fitting together to create the bigger picture, that is when things look up, & that is when you need to grab it with both hands & take even more control of everything. I speak from personal experience, which is why this is different to having a professional write an article about depression/mental health issues. I’m not saying it will be the same for everyone, or that you can just think about things & control everything just like that. Merely, I’m trying to show what can be achieved when you find yourself in a good place emotionally, & to show that a lot can be achieved by self discovery & determination.

Nothing needs to be insurmountable.

I recently managed to get a company to design 200 wristbands saying “Mental illness – itsoktotalk” & “#TalkOut” on them, all profits from the sale of these will go to MHRUK Charity http://www.mhruk.org They are £2.50 each & can be purchased here http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120991089672&ssPageName=ADME:L:EOISSA:GB:1123#ht_500wt_1156

The idea is to remind people that it is ok to talk, & to try & reduce the stigma around mental health, mental health issues & mental illness. Get people talking about it, because the more we talk about it, the more people realise how common it is, & hopefully the more people get help by talking to a professional, or at least a friend to begin with.

Positivity. Optimism. Let these two things guide you as best they can. 

Remember: It’s ok to talk.

I’m On A Roll, I’m On A Roll, I Feel My Luck Could Change…

Lucky.

It’s been a while people, a long while. Far too long, but sadly I’ve been unwell. I must learn to take my own advice & talk about my feelings a little more, or at least to reach out to people when I need them.

Life is very very difficult at times, which is why it’s crucial that we develop ourselves a strong support network, however that may be. Surround yourself with positivity & people who really care about you. Be careful not to shy away from them despite the niggling feeling that you get with depression which causes you to do just that. I’ve realised that I need to talk about how I feel, or to talk to people & find some company again. You see, I’m a lonely guy. I’m not your average 19 year old bloke, I do some of the things that a stereotypical 19 year old guy does, but apart from the fact there’s not really such a thing as an average person, I am just… well… I’m just different. I’m trying to learn to embrace that, or at least accept it. I’m incredibly anxious, I have been for a while now, but I don’t know how it came about. Loneliness is a critical part of my feelings, I am a social person, with so much love & affection for people generally, it’s just, most of my friends are people I know from online.

Why is that a problem? It’s not a problem to know people from online, but it’s partly why I’m lonely ironically. I would love to have more friends who live near to me, who I can see everyday & just be like the majority of people are, have a friendship group where I can just talk about random things & when I need come to people for help, but also to just have a hug now & again. Life’s about striking a balance, & that equilibrium is difficult to find or achieve, or even both. For me, it’s going to have to be a case of opening my eyes to my feelings again, not just falling deeper into a pit of despair where I cannot see the wood from the trees. When I can understand, comprehend & simply see what is troubling me it frustrates me unless I can at least think of ways to get through it, because I’m not the type of person to want to mull things over & just feel down. It’s almost impossible to describe this in words, but I’m going to give it a go.

There’s a way you know you’re on the cusp of getting better, or that you are in a better place than you used to be. What is it? Well, for me, it’s when I realise that I need to do x, y & z to improve my mood, when I can somehow see the positive, happy things again, even if they are fleeting thoughts, passing ships in a vast ocean of emotions. Tonight, I realised that I need company, I need to seek out support, I need to ask for help when I need it, & I need to keep myself occupied with random little things, silly conversation, as well as serious conversation. I remembered that I need to try to relax again, regardless of how difficult it is, I need to try. It was only tonight that this happened, & I think, it was thanks to just talking to someone who was willing to support me if I needed it, but doesn’t know much about my situation. Somewhat ironically, someone whom I am envious of for the time they get to spend with people, their friendship group,  their relationships. Someone who I’ve only ever found to be a really good guy, who is not that dissimilar to me in some ways I think. I was able to clear my mind of the fog, suddenly the gloomy skies became clearer again, allowing the sun to come out tentatively to enable me to see what I could do to help myself. Maybe the skies will turn gloomy again, but if that is to be, they do so with my knowledge that it will not be forever again. Again. Again, because it seems like forever, but it’s not & it never will be. So long as you hold on to hope.

Journies. I frequently travel around the country to either see people, or to watch football. They make me appreciate the world a little more, I get out of a rut, out of my house where I do myself no good, & into the beauty that is nature & sometimes also man made beauty. Man made beauty in the form of buildings which have much culture, a meaning & the meaning that is within them expresses the serenity that I so long for.

Yesterday I was in Bristol, the day before I was seeing my friend a little further north of London, & in the future I will travel further. Despite a large number of things not going to plan, & it being a horrible day, there were a few bright lights helping me through the day. A group of 5 friends were busking in the city centre near Temple Meads, & I was rooted to the spot listening to two of them sing either together or solo. Nothing so spontaneous, or rather, faux spontaneous (Covent Garden) has ever caused me to just sit & watch/listen, until now. They were brilliant, not because they were perfect, but because they were giving it a go, singing with emotion & with the intention to make people happy whilst earning a rather small amount of money via donations. I walked up & put some money into their guitar case, something I’ve never done before. As they began to pack up, I walked over & told them that they had made my day a hell of a lot better. The day would later be fraught with frustration & anxiety, but they made it all the more bearable.

For me, it goes to show that simple things can make a difference to us. People make a difference, music makes a difference. Neither of those are really simple, but when put into context they can be. It’s not about making a name for yourself, or fame or whatever the media strongly implies it is. For me, life is about finding small things, little things like luck, friendship & love that make you happy. Find these things, search for them & give something back to people, & you’ll find things at least that tiny bit better.

So I say to you again, hold on. When you’re going through hell, when you think there is no hope, nothing, that’s when you most need to hold on for the brighter days, better days, happier days… or even just the days where you don’t feel like you don’t want to be here anymore. Whenever you’re down, whenever you feel like you can’t take anymore, whenever you’re stressed, whenever you just need someone to listen to you, remember that it’s ok, & that there are people out there who are more than happy to listen to you & to talk to you.

There’s a song I stumbled upon whilst going through old messages & it’s one that I absolutely love but haven’t heard in a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRD51qEJ8t4 (James – Sit Down)

Someone wrote of this song: “Tim Booth once said that “this is a song about absolute misery, feeling entirely alone, it’s about being awake at 4am and having no one to talk to” It’s meant to be comforting for people in this situation, saying that they’re not alone, and they’ll get through it.”

It is, for me, at least, a song which has a great meaning behind it, but a song that reminds me we don’t have to do it alone. There’s someone out there who will be willing to talk to you at 4am, even if they’re absolutely shattered, I know, because I’m one of them for my friends if they need me.

To end, I have to talk about my closest friend. This is the friend I’ve been asking questions about on twitter, about how to help her through a very very tough time. Without her, I wouldn’t be writing this, I would probably have given up on trying to support people through letting them know how important it is to talk about your feelings when you are ready. I might well have given up on any hope of getting rid of this returning darkness that refuses to let me escape it’s sometimes incessant mutterings, this pain, self loathing & self doubt. Someone who feels better for helping me, something which I only remembered when I went through some old messages tonight. My friend, she’s just that, a friend. ‘Just’ that, someone who is so central to my continue recovery. I love you, I hope you don’t get tired of hearing that, because I really do care about you so much, & appreciate everything you’ve done for me, just as you appreciate what I do for you.

Spanish proverb: ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn.’ Hold on, it gets better. I promise.

Fortune Favours The Brave

Usually phrases like the above are horrid cliches often used in negative ways to tell people to do things that they are not ready for. 

So then, why do I have it as a title? My life has been a tad topsy turvy lately, two of my closest friends have been suffering the ill effects of depression and mental ill health whilst I myself have been on the opposite end of the spectrum so to speak, finding myself getting a job, being told many many positive things about myself by a senior university lecturer and just finding a lot of things clicking into place. For my friends to be worse for wear though, that was eating away at me, my heart was slowly being destroyed as I worried about them both.

However, one of them who I am very close to, they were willing to be 100% honest with me and to share everything with me. They were brave enough to listen to what I had to say and despite not wanting to do the thing that would make them better, they found the courage to do so.

I go over in my mind and in my emails/texts to see the messages that I have shared with people, and I look at where I am, and where they are now. I don’t think anyone of my friends has shown anything over than great bravery to talk to me, their friends, and/or a professional about their mental health issues. They’ve all taken very very tough decisions, but ultimately the short term difficulty from taking those decisions was worth it for the successes that were achieved in the medium to long term.

This story http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/shortcuts/2012/jun/27/why-british-children-so-unhappy?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038 from the Guardian asks why British children are so unhappy. Anyone trying to give a single answer to this question would be extremely naive. There can be all manner of studies, research and opinions on it, but ultimately it comes down to the individuals. 

I personally believe that we need remove the culture of consumerism as the article suggests. Far too many young people are obsessed with the latest technology and consumer goods, but contrary to popular belief I do not agree that they are constantly stuck indoors playing computer games. I feel that the media portrays young people in a negative manner, whilst its reporting of social issues such as drinking and smoking as well as sex can cause, certainly in sensitive and suggestible young people, a lack of confidence and the belief that they are somehow abnormal. Why the media sees fit to generalise in such a manner, and to imply that almost all the nation’s children are going out drinking at 11pm at night, I do not understand.

Everyone is unique, and they have their own ways of dealing with things and reacting to things. No single mind is the same, and it frustrates me that the media has an agenda to push that all young people are the same when we really are not. 

I would argue that the media has a significant influence on people, it causes us to change our views about things and about people, so when it pushes a certain agenda which is inaccurate only those who take the time to question it see that it is a generalisation. 

I find myself avoiding newspapers and the news as much as possible, despite being a Politics student, because it is full of bad news, as bad news is what sells. There is a lot I disagree strongly with, and it upsets me to read. I’m sure I am not the only one. Something must be done to have the image of young people improved in the eyes of the media.

What does this have to do with mental health? Well, I believe that it does us no favours to constantly see things that society is supposedly telling us to do, when in fact it’s the media telling us society wants us to go out and get drunk every night, to have wild sex and to take drugs. Some people don’t do these things and see themselves as outcasts, abnormal. Combine this with irrational thinking that often comes with mental health issues and you have a recipe for disaster.

I’m sorry this is such a random blog post, it represents my state of mind as it currently stands and I always like to write honestly and as a representation of my beliefs at one particular moment.

I just wanted to express that it’s easy for us to do the easy things and look for easy ways out. To ask for help indirectly, but it’s the more difficult things that really make us who we are, that get us through the tough times. 

Today ‘The Sun…

Today ‘The Sun’ carried a story about a young woman who found ways to kill herself from certain websites, & ended up with brain damage following an unsuccessful attempt. It focussed on “suicide websites” & self harm forums, and their influence over this woman. 

A similar story was carried in the daily mail yesterday, & again I find myself angry as it is very misleading and ambiguous. 

My comment on the daily mail article (which did not get published) was as follows:

“I find it very very sad that this girl felt that the only option was to take her own life. Having suffered from depression for 3 years, and knowing what it feels like to do the things described, I can empathise with her & those affected by mental health issues. 

However, the article is misleading, and does not explain the nature of the sites. Were they pro-anorexia & self harm websites & forums? If so then I completely agree that they should be banned, although, if they were merely support forums then I strongly disagree. Supportive sites which focus on providing a platform for the expression of emotions are an important step towards recovery for many people. It is up to the individual to determine whether they will be ‘triggered’ by the content or whether it will help. Forums which discuss self harm, but are focussed on the recovery from mental health issues & self harm should be welcomed, otherwise we will not reduce stigma, and we will only serve to increase the rates of suicides. Furthermore, these sites are often ways to make friends with likeminded people, as Ruby Wax put it “our tribe”. This then leads to peer-support in the majority of cases, and the prevention of suicide or self harm. So it would be good if the articles were not so ambiguous and potentially misleading. I feel they perpetuate the myths & stigma around self harm & suicide.

What those articles should show people, is that it is ESSENTIAL that they seek professional support for mental health issues but also that it is ok to talk about them. We need to end stigma around mental health”

Talking Out With Your Tribe

Yesterday evening I got to meet Ruby Wax, the comedian & founder of BlackDogTribe whilst I also met Laura Davidson from Mental Health Research UK Charity (http://www.mentalhealthresearchuk.org.uk/) & a very inspirational, polite & brilliant young woman by the name of Fiona, who by her own admission pretty much eats breathes and sleeps mental health!

Ruby performed her play “Losing it” or also known as “Out of her mind” which was to raise funds for MHRUK Charity. Essentially it documents, in comedic fashion, her own upbringing and realisation that she was a member of the 1 in 4 tribe, that, of course being the 1 in 4 of us who suffer from a mental health issue or mental illness. Furthermore, it went on to discuss this tribe and how in reality the 1 in 4 might as well be the 4 in 4, in that anyone can be affected by mental health issues or mental illness, and we should all talk about it. I think Ruby was trying to get across that we identify ourselves with particular groupings, for instance a football team, and we should apply this to mental health as well. If we stick with our “tribe”, in this case people who know how we feel, what we think, the emotions we go through, and the difficulty we have in opening up, then we can overcome these demons, and we can learn to deal with them, to accept and challenge them.

Having studied Psychology at AS Level, and having an interest in it, it was fascinating to listen to Ruby describe the workings of the mind in a scientific manner, speaking about the neurones and the affect that negative thoughts have on our minds. But the reason this was so fascinating, was because Ruby managed to integrate an academic subject into a comedy & an informal, easy to understand way! I seldom look at the scientific side to depression, but I am aware of it, and the play enabled me to make the link between our way of thinking and the impact it has chemically on our brain.

Ruby focussed a lot on the humorous side of living life with depression, and the old adage “you have to laugh otherwise you will cry” is probably relevant here, in that she detailed her story through laughter. Not only this, but she noted how people she knew with similar issues would find solace in laughter & laughing about being “insane” (please note, this was not in any way mocking people!) or about their thoughts/feelings.

The one main thing I took out of a wonderful play was that if we all group together and act as one large community, if we find people who are similar to ourselves, in that they are 1 of the 4, then we can find ways to cope, to live, to laugh, and to enjoy ourselves. Life is too short to be stuck in a depressive haze, and one of the best ways to get out of that, is to find likeminded people, and to bond with them. Personally, most of my friends, certainly my closest ones, are those who I know because I’ve talked to them about my depression and found that they too, share similar thought patterns and similar emotions to me.

Mental Illness is not something to be ashamed of, it’s something we can make into a positive by sharing our experience with likeminded people. Hope and belief, love and compassion, these things go a long way towards helping.

I hope to work with Fiona to spread the message throughout at least London universities that mental health is not something to be ashamed of, and to raise more awareness of it, and the research being carried out by MHRUK Charity. They were set up in 2008, and prior to this there had never been a mental health research charity. When you consider just how large cancer research charities have become, it is mindblowing to think that a mental health charity had never been set up prior to this! Talking about mental health is so important to us, to me, to everyone who suffers from mental illness.

If you get a chance, then please do visit the website of Mental Health Charity UK, they have really inspired me alongside Ruby. Laura stated that she believes the best way to eradicate stigma is to fund research into the causes of mental illness and therefore help find better treatments without so many side effects, which actually work. I firmly believe in this charity, having spoken to Laura via twitter, but also meeting her last night. By talking about mental health, if you can participate every Sunday in #TalkOut discussions at 8pm onwards, using that hashtag then you will be doing your little bit to help reduce stigma around mental health. Furthermore, if you could raise awareness of MHRUK Charity by tweeting about them, by visiting their website, or even by donating some money to them, you would be doing something amazing to help fund research into the causes of, and the treatment of mental health issues & mental illness. Furthermore, if anyone knows of a company which will distribute wristbands to individuals then please let me or MHRUK Charity know! I aim to produce wristbands to show that talking out about mental health is important and not to be ashamed of. The only issue is the distribution.

As a slight aside, there was an interesting discussion when I last did #TalkOut assisted by @Time4Recovery who combined all the tweets into one place. It centred around the idea that 5 year olds had been diagnosed with depression, and whether or not labels/diagnoses are a help or a hindrance. The general conclusion was that they were a hindrance, especially at the age of 5 where it is arguably even more difficult to determine the mental state of the individual in question, but for some people, being told they had depression or bipolar or another mental health issue/illness was a relief because they finally knew what these feelings and emotions were. I personally believe that we should be very careful in using diagnoses and labels, and it should be down to the individual to either accept or reject them, but I do believe unless the individual has sufficient evidence that their GP is incorrect, they should always follow their advice, so with regards to medication etc. They may not have to accept that they are depressed just because their doctor has said so, but I firmly believe they should take the advice given to them. After all, outside of that doctor’s room, it is just a word. I think that it is important to discuss how we feel, but we don’t have to use the terms depression, bipolar, mental illness if we do not believe we actually have them, or they actually exist so to speak.

The Slings And Arrows Of Outrageous Fortune

Depression. More than just a word. A very real, debilitating condition. I was diagnosed with it when I had just turned 16, and in truth knew very little about it. But it was through talking to people about how I was feeling that I came to be in the doctor’s surgery being told that I had depression and referred to a counselling service and that I will enter that very same doctor’s surgery in a few weeks time to hopefully be told I no longer suffer from depression.

Talking about mental health is seen as something to be afraid of, people are afraid of the reactions they might get, but I was in the fortunate position to have good people around me, and a support network that I built up by talking out about my own mental health. It was when I began college that I suffered my most severe bouts of depression, and it was then that I began to explore what it was and how I could bring myself out of this deep dark black hole, a journey which seemed to be an endless spiral into the depths of despair. Soon I concluded that for me to get better, my friends and teachers needed to know what I was going through. Fortunately I was on good terms with my form tutor who appeared sensitive and understanding. Indeed, this proved to be the case when one day I stayed behind to discuss the problems that I had been having. My tutor was happy to listen to me and not only that but encouraged me to seek support by actively inquiring as to what support was available throughout the college. It transpired that the only time I could get counselling was during tutor periods, and having discussed it with my tutor, I was able to take up this opportunity.

The first time I went to the room where counselling was, I walked past a handful of people waiting nearby, sitting on the floor. As I walked past them, I felt the anxiety that had crippled me thus far at college, as if they somehow knew what I was going in for, and were looking disapprovingly at me. Of course they weren’t, how could they possibly have known? They couldn’t have. The trouble is that’s sometimes how people feel as a result of the stigma that manifests itself within of our society today.  However, those who mock us, who see mental health issues and mental illness as a weakness, are so very wrong. I am a stronger person for my depression, because I talked about it to people, I managed to find the causes and the triggers and in turn managed to utilise the support I received to educate myself whilst improving my mood.

My experience of stigma has been both direct and indirect, with friends whom I have got to know through support groups but also in the form of people using words such as “schizo” or phrases like “I’m so sad I’m going to cut my wrists” as a sarcastic response to something that has been said to them. This is stigma as much as people telling us to “get over it”. However, I was told that I was a “hater of life in general” by someone who was supposed to be my friend and knew about my depression. Despite this affecting me at the time and making me feel like I was attention seeking or that I should keep my problems to myself I persevered because I knew in my heart that the only way I was going to get better was by talking about it. Today, one of my favourite pieces of writing comes from Hamlet, the play by Shakespeare, with the famous soliloquy ‘to be or not to be’. Hamlet is in a battle with his mind as to whether or not to live anymore. This, I feel documents the feelings many people go through with mental illness and certainly resonates with how I felt. I use it to remind myself that I was right to choose the option to be, to exist. We are all unique, special and contribute to society merely by existing.

Thankfully, we’ve largely moved on from the times where it was unacceptable to be homosexual or to be of any other ethnic origin than white British, but yet with mental health there still remains this ancient attitude that we are somewhat inferior. Why should attitudes towards our health be any different to our race or our sexuality?

“We need folk to sit and listen to what we have to say, to try and understand what we are feeling, you cannot do that by treating the symptoms and ignoring the cause.” This quote sums up my experience with, and views towards the treatment of depression. I reached out to those who were willing to listen and try to understand what I felt, and I will be eternally grateful to those friends who did this.

A General Post

Mental Health is something we all have, but 1 in 4 of us will suffer from mental health problems at some point in our lives. I myself have suffered from depression from the age of 15, and now at 19 following counselling and medication I am almost at a place where I can say I am no longer depressed. Approximately for every 100 teenagers, as many as 8 may be suffering from a mental health issue, and a recent study published in The Lancet reveals that 1 in 12 teenagers self harm, whilst Universities have reported a massive 93% rise in students seeking help for mental health issues.

Teenagers are very vulnerable to depression or other mental health issues, and it is important that we encourage them not to keep these feelings to themselves, but to share them. Of course, people of any age can help them to do so, either by directly encouraging them, or by talking about their own mental health problems. If we can break down that stigma that surrounds talking out about mental health issues, then that is the first step towards improving the lives of millions of people and reducing the number of people who suffer from mental health problems.

Certainly something which helped me when I was first beginning to notice my suicidal thoughts and my low mood was to talk to others about it; they were people I didn’t even know very well. Eventually I was persuaded to speak to a doctor, who was rather unhelpful, so I didn’t go back for 6 months. After finding a further two doctors to be rather unhelpful, instead of giving up I tried once more, and I found a doctor who listened to me, and gave me the name and address of a counselling service, but also told me to come back if I continued to feel the way I did. One negative experience does not mean that all the others will be like that; my advice is not to give up but to try again.

A question I have raised a number of times is: could we put counsellors in all schools? Whilst this would be expensive, if it is a scheme supported by an increase in information about mental health and how important it can be to see a professional then this could prove to be an important step forward in supporting young people with mental health issues.

Essentially, what we need to get out there is that it is ok to talk about our feelings and our mental health issues. The more we talk about it, the less stigma there will be, the more likely people are to talk to their friends/family/doctor about it and arguably it might even prevent people from suffering more severely in the future. This would be because more information about looking after our mental health would be more widely available and talked about. We need to get to a point where we treat our mental health as we treat our physical health; we don’t discriminate with sexuality or race and rightly so, so why do we with our health? Let’s break down the stigma and get talking about it.